In observance of National Orgasm Day (July 31), sex and relationship psychologist Dr. Petra Boynton gives ten tips for enjoyable orgasms. Here’s just one that, if followed, could relieve a lot of couples’ performance anxiety.
Orgasms don’t have to happen in any set order
We have the mistaken view that straight sex goes something like this. A bit of kissing, some ‘foreplay’, she comes first (preferably with a lot of noise, some ejaculation and more than one orgasm), then he comes in pints. For gay or lesbian sex there’s the myth that a same-sex partner will automatically know what feels right for you – but even here people still tend to stick to the same kind of sexual script.
There is no reason why sex has to end in orgasm – particularly not a guy’s orgasm. Often men have problems with premature ejaculation because they’re trying to hang on until their partner’s come all over the place.
You could think about a guy coming first, or perhaps not at all. Or a woman having an orgasm through oral sex or masturbation on her own while her partner watches before penetrative sex and followed by her playing with a sex toy. Or perhaps one person can just decide to pleasure their partner but opt not to have an orgasm themselves on this occasion. Read more